moving on was never easy. .
I am too weak to let go of the only thing that keeps me breathing.
With his broken promises, I hold on.
With his silence, I love.
Nobody knows how pissed off I feel right now. I pretend to be fine though inside I’m dying. The pain starts to rot inside of me. I know I sound too stupid and too emotional. But I only speak of what I feel. ='(
I am broken.
A month ago, I physically hurt myself. With a blade, I wrote stuffs on my arms. I was too numb of the pain I was supposed to feel. Too bad, I was caught. I was sent to the guidance office not for violation reports or any negative stuffs but for counseling. With the help of Ma'm Lalaine and some of my friends 'n blockmates, I tried to recover.
I was fine then.
He tried to fix things up not to lose the friendship that we had, I agreed. Things gone well between the two of us. We'll again walk together after classes and enjoy the company of each other. There was no 'us' but I felt what was happening was enough. He said he started to like me too. I'm his misa. He's my light. I declined a good friend who planned to court me because of him. Knowing this, I held on tighter with my fingers crossed wishing my fairy tale to come true.
Shit happens.
He, again, started to admire a friend. She was really a very admirable girl. He admired her before and lost his interest. Now, he likes her more.
September 17, 2007.
We were about to have a symposium for one of our classes. They were together as they entered the auditorium but then they were on seats apart from each other. I was already expecting to see them together but still it hurts. I know I was then not a girlfriend but the fact that a good friend was with the guy that I find special who's crushing on her, that hurts. Really, it does.
I am starting to run out of hope.
He left for Los Banos for the UAAP competition. He was starting to like another girl - a good friend. They were doing good. She's the one he was with after class, not me anymore. Honestly, I'm jealous. It hurts to know that they are happy together while I'm crying all by myself.
I have to get over him.
After getting a sign after the UST vs. ADMU game, I decided to let go. He doesn't want me to. He doesn't want to lose the friendship. He asked me if we can still be close friends, I agreed. Besides, I really can't let him go.
With a mask, I hide my face.
I'm trying to recover from drowning in such a deep twinge. But I really can't. I tried to keep what I really feel. With a smile, I tried to hide everything. She makes him happy. I can't and I won't make him happy. It hurts me. ='(
With tears, I'll end another day.
Everybody thought I was fine. I told them I was. BUT I AM NOT. Everything was a lie. I tried setting my attention to other people but still I'm not fine. No matter how I keep the pain that rots, it still will stink. This day is about to end. I still am down.
Save me.
Currently listening to: my heroine.
Currently feeling: broken.